I'm Really Big on Eating My Feelings

Sometimes your mom comes to visit and then a month later you find the gelato she bought you in the freezer right when you need it.

It's been a long month. I'm not too sad to say goodbye to February 2015. See ya never, ya little monster.



P.S. I enjoy documenting things, so I think I'll be posting here more often.

Thoughts At The End of The School Year

Holy cow. The past few weeks have been all over the map. So difficult and yet so good. I'm not feeling very eloquent but I want to get some thoughts down, so I give you a list. Do what you will with it:

• A couple weeks ago I called my mom and accidentally ended up crying for two hours to her over the phone. I love her so much and the more I grow the more I realize what an amazing individual she is. I am constantly blown away by her knowledge, compassion, and patience. I think about how much she truly, deeply cares about her patients and her family and I hope that one day I will be able to mirror with my work and family even a fraction of the good she has accomplished in this world. I love you so much, mom. You amaze me every single day. (You too, Dad. Love you!)
• I'm grateful for good friends that will stay up till 2 AM and talk about art and feelings and drink herbal tea and suggest movie nights and Sodalicious runs right when you need them. 
• I'm planning on about a thousand posts with all the beautiful things and epiphanies that I have come to over the course of the semester in 'Intro to Film,' but for now suffice it to say that I know that this is what I want to do. What a beautiful way to change the world.
• This photo acted as a catalyst for me to chop my hair when I saw it Wednesday night, but don't worry—I'd been wanting to try shorter hair for months! I chopped it yesterday and currently feel like a new woman (see photo at the top of this post). Here's to just a spoonful of spontaneity now and then. 
• Right now I need to be heading to a Biology review—speaking of Biology, pray for me because I need to approach like 20 strangers later today and ask to take their portrait for a project on genetics. SO SCARY
• Finally, I am grateful for figurative growing pains. I know I'm not the same person I was when I moved out here in August for that I am grateful.

SF Day One

Fake Spring Break, CA Style

For the last week, some members of the BYU photo program and I escaped Provo and headed to greener, warmer pastures—specifically San Francisco and Los Angeles. It was a wonderful experience but I'm happy to be in the airport as I type this, getting ready to board my flight back to Salt Lake City. It was just what I needed. We visited photographers in their studios and made a lot of time for playing. More on all that later. For now, I give you a simple little video. It may be far from perfect but it makes me happy and that's enough.

It's Not That Simple

The following was my final project for my Intro to Photography class. While it's far from perfect, it's the first time I've ever attempted a series and I'm proud of it. 

Artist’s Statement

Lauren VanDerwerken

My first week in Utah, I attended a large lecture class in which we were shown this video, entitled “This Is Water." I found it inspiring and when it was over the lecturer respectfully told the class that the speaker (David Foster Wallace, a Pulitzer Prize nominated writer) had suffered from severe depression and eventually hung himself. This knowledge only cemented the message in my heart and made me contemplate the speech I had heard more deeply. Our lecturer then asked for thoughts from the students and to my disgust, many voiced the obviously ignorant opinion that clearly “he must not have trying very hard to follow his own advice.”

This perspective hurt and saddened me. I was so upset I wanted to leave class. How could such a huge group of intelligent individuals at such a respected university be so insensitive and have such a lack of empathy? Don’t they know it’s not that simple? Depression is an illness. It’s elusive. It deserves respect, understanding, and compassion.

BY THE YEAR 2020, DEPRESSION WILL BE THE MOST COMMON ILLNESS IN THE WORLD.

For more statistics like this, see here.

It's time to stop dismissing and ignoring depression. It’s real. And to those who act as if it isn’t, I say…

It’s not that simple.

 

ACCEPTED

I got my letter of acceptance today from the Visual Arts Department here at BYU. You're looking at the newest member of the photography program!! I've worked so hard and had this as a goal since mid-high school and I DID IT. I could not be happier at the moment. I'm feeling a weird mix of satisfaction and excitement—I accomplished a huge goal of mine today! I feel like I can conquer the world.

This blog post is also probably inspired by too many Buzzfeed distractions when I should be studying for finals, which in fact, I finished today—right before I got my letter.

I thought these GIFs could express my emotions a lot more accurately than words. Enjoy.

SOURCES: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

My Application to the Photography Program

 

 

 

Cinderblock Walls

 

Some outtakes from a shoot.

Marilyn Reading the New York Times

Shot for my portfolio.

Parking Garage Chic

 

 

For my portfolio. I'd been admiring this location since I moved to Utah.